emotionally drained

last week we had our duty at angono general, we were in charge of the E.R. most of the cases were simply pregnant women in labor which we just endorsed to the dr/or, while other cases were simply minor sutures and a couple of people who had difficulty breathing, we spent two weeks in the ER the days simply became a routine, we knew what to expect. but on the last day of duty we faced a situation that still brings me to tears... an old man was rushed to the ER, when he came in, we already knew from the way he looked that he was long gone, yet as protocol we had to try and revive him, the men in my group took turns resuscitating him, while i had the unfortunate duty to hold on the ambu bag and keep pumping air, as i did this i had no choice but to look straight into this man's face, he had a kind face, but in his eyes you would clearly see that there was only a body lying there no longer was there a soul in it, it was hard to look at him there came a point that a simply focused on the wall in front of me just so i could control my emotions... on the foot of the bed there stood his children crying silently, while his wife was far from the bed i guess she couldn't bare seeing him in that state, finally after 30 mins we stopped, he was pronounced dead at this point we stepped out of the room to give them some privacy, being they were in the er and the division was simply a wall we could hear there loud cries( in my head i can still hear them calling out "papa") while i type this i'm close to tears... it was sooo hard to be in that situation, i seriously started to doubt if im cut out for this kind of job. i also started reflecting on what happened that man on the bed was someone important in someone else's life, he was once a father, a brother, a companion, a lover and a dear friend, all at once when he died atleast a hundred people lost someone dear to them, i started reflecting on my own life what if the man on the bed was my father? could i really take the pain? according to our religion death is only the beginning that death is actually a happy time since it is the time we reunite with the lord, but why does it seem to hard wired on our heads that death is a tragedy? why must it be a sad occasion when someone passes away? tonight i pray god would give me the strength to carry on with my chosen profession, tonight i pray for all those who mourn for their loved ones, tonight i pray for the souls of the dead that they may rest and reunite happily with god.. and tonight i will lay awake restless over the things i witnessed