emotionally drained

last week we had our duty at angono general, we were in charge of the E.R. most of the cases were simply pregnant women in labor which we just endorsed to the dr/or, while other cases were simply minor sutures and a couple of people who had difficulty breathing, we spent two weeks in the ER the days simply became a routine, we knew what to expect. but on the last day of duty we faced a situation that still brings me to tears... an old man was rushed to the ER, when he came in, we already knew from the way he looked that he was long gone, yet as protocol we had to try and revive him, the men in my group took turns resuscitating him, while i had the unfortunate duty to hold on the ambu bag and keep pumping air, as i did this i had no choice but to look straight into this man's face, he had a kind face, but in his eyes you would clearly see that there was only a body lying there no longer was there a soul in it, it was hard to look at him there came a point that a simply focused on the wall in front of me just so i could control my emotions... on the foot of the bed there stood his children crying silently, while his wife was far from the bed i guess she couldn't bare seeing him in that state, finally after 30 mins we stopped, he was pronounced dead at this point we stepped out of the room to give them some privacy, being they were in the er and the division was simply a wall we could hear there loud cries( in my head i can still hear them calling out "papa") while i type this i'm close to tears... it was sooo hard to be in that situation, i seriously started to doubt if im cut out for this kind of job. i also started reflecting on what happened that man on the bed was someone important in someone else's life, he was once a father, a brother, a companion, a lover and a dear friend, all at once when he died atleast a hundred people lost someone dear to them, i started reflecting on my own life what if the man on the bed was my father? could i really take the pain? according to our religion death is only the beginning that death is actually a happy time since it is the time we reunite with the lord, but why does it seem to hard wired on our heads that death is a tragedy? why must it be a sad occasion when someone passes away? tonight i pray god would give me the strength to carry on with my chosen profession, tonight i pray for all those who mourn for their loved ones, tonight i pray for the souls of the dead that they may rest and reunite happily with god.. and tonight i will lay awake restless over the things i witnessed

Birthday blues

may 2, yup that's my birthday, as i child i only had a big party when i was a year old the rest we're just simple get togethers, i usually spent my bday with my cousin since i had a cousin with the same bday as me so they usually had us celebrate it together. last year was my debut i had a simple one, only my closest friends were invited. every birthday i have trouble figuring out what to ask for, it just seems that i really din't want anything anyway it usally ends up with them just giving me cash which is fine by me, yet this year it seems my bday will be speacially uneventful, due to unfortunate circumstances it seems all my plans have been blown to smitherins, in a way i'm dissapointed i expected a lot of things to happen, i know the'll make up for it, but expecting hurts. but i'm trying to be strong and i keep on reminding myself "marami pa naman next time".

this may seem like a petty thing to you, but it's the small things that sometimes hurt us the most

happy birthday to me

BAdtrip! un lang!

tiny little girly bag

this morning while riding on the jeep, a guy was sitting beside me, he looked normal and not gay at all yet i wondered why he was holding on to such a girly bag, as the ride went on i found out that the girl beside him was his girlfriend, so by default i assume the bag he was holding was probably hers... now i wonder why the heck is he holding her bag?! it was a very small bag about half the length of a ruler. personally i never ask my boyfriend to carry my bag for me, reason no. 1 is i have really girly and dainty bags which i think would make him look stupid if he were to carry it for me, next is the bag isn't heavy so there's really no point in letting someone else bring it for me.

i pity those men who carry their girlfriend's tiny little purses because in a way their putting themselves in a lower level,

it's only an act of being a gentleman if her bag is big and heavy but if her bag is small and full of make-up then i don't think you should bother.

this is a point of view from the female gender, don't get offended or whatever but you do know what i'm talking about.

to any girl who does this act to your bf, you should be ashamed he's your boyfriend someone to love and care for, he's not your pet or your servant who will do as you command

ignorance is bliss

well right now my legs are killing me hahah i attended mass and went along with the "prusisyon" last night, every year my mom and i would attend, this year was no different from the last yet i think we took a longer route this time, i'm not that religious i mean i go to mass every sunday and prusisyn at holy week but that's it, but i really got annoyed at some people last night first there were a group of kids, they were the one holding the flag that showed who the next saint was, so what 1st annoyed me about them was that they were walking so fast they were too far ahead form were they should be then what annoyed me the most was when they started singing out loud songs from bamboo and that stupid song of willie revillame, i mean come on! i know their still kids but they should atleast be aware that a prusisyon is a solemn act, and if they din't their parents should have been there to guide them. next irritating thing was the other people take note these people are the teenagers, they go and join the prusisyon yet for what? they just kept yaking about useless and petty things, next were those carrying the saints, i believe they do that as a way of penance right? yet i know some of those people, i know for a fact that some of them are drunkards and drug addicts, it would be great if what they did was so they could change but they never do... it's so sad to see a solemn act being thrashed by ignorant people.

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community diagnosis!

wow it seems like we just can't get it done! the deadline was last week we were all ready and so nervous for our case presentation, then we found out that our group and this other group weren't going to be able to present today because of some lame movie that we were forced to watch anyway it turned out that not going on that day was a blessing since we found out we were missing a requirement so the presentation was moved to today, we all arrived at school early and again nervous! and yet after about an hour at school we received a txt informing as that we were rescheduled to tom, and the reason?! well they told as that their were no available classroom which i think is really impossible... anyway tom may be the day. hopefully coz i just rily wanna get over and done!