el amor de saskia y vida

emotionally drained

2009-08-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

last week we had our duty at angono general, we were in charge of the E.R. most of the cases were simply pregnant women in labor which we just endorsed to the dr/or, while other cases were simply minor sutures and a couple of people who had difficulty breathing, we spent two weeks in the ER the days simply became a routine, we knew what to expect. but on the last day of duty we faced a situation that still brings me to tears... an old man was rushed to the ER, when he came in, we already knew from the way he looked that he was long gone, yet as protocol we had to try and revive him, the men in my group took turns resuscitating him, while i had the unfortunate duty to hold on the ambu bag and keep pumping air, as i did this i had no choice but to look straight into this man's face, he had a kind face, but in his eyes you would clearly see that there was only a body lying there no longer was there a soul in it, it was hard to look at him there came a point that a simply focused on the wall in front of me just so i could control my emotions... on the foot of the bed there stood his children crying silently, while his wife was far from the bed i guess she couldn't bare seeing him in that state, finally after 30 mins we stopped, he was pronounced dead at this point we stepped out of the room to give them some privacy, being they were in the er and the division was simply a wall we could hear there loud cries( in my head i can still hear them calling out "papa") while i type this i'm close to tears... it was sooo hard to be in that situation, i seriously started to doubt if im cut out for this kind of job. i also started reflecting on what happened that man on the bed was someone important in someone else's life, he was once a father, a brother, a companion, a lover and a dear friend, all at once when he died atleast a hundred people lost someone dear to them, i started reflecting on my own life what if the man on the bed was my father? could i really take the pain? according to our religion death is only the beginning that death is actually a happy time since it is the time we reunite with the lord, but why does it seem to hard wired on our heads that death is a tragedy? why must it be a sad occasion when someone passes away? tonight i pray god would give me the strength to carry on with my chosen profession, tonight i pray for all those who mourn for their loved ones, tonight i pray for the souls of the dead that they may rest and reunite happily with god.. and tonight i will lay awake restless over the things i witnessed

Birthday blues

2009-04-30T02:53:00.000-07:00

may 2, yup that's my birthday, as i child i only had a big party when i was a year old the rest we're just simple get togethers, i usually spent my bday with my cousin since i had a cousin with the same bday as me so they usually had us celebrate it together. last year was my debut i had a simple one, only my closest friends were invited. every birthday i have trouble figuring out what to ask for, it just seems that i really din't want anything anyway it usally ends up with them just giving me cash which is fine by me, yet this year it seems my bday will be speacially uneventful, due to unfortunate circumstances it seems all my plans have been blown to smitherins, in a way i'm dissapointed i expected a lot of things to happen, i know the'll make up for it, but expecting hurts. but i'm trying to be strong and i keep on reminding myself "marami pa naman next time".

this may seem like a petty thing to you, but it's the small things that sometimes hurt us the most

happy birthday to me

2009-04-16T04:25:00.001-07:00

BAdtrip! un lang!

tiny little girly bag

2009-04-16T04:04:00.000-07:00

this morning while riding on the jeep, a guy was sitting beside me, he looked normal and not gay at all yet i wondered why he was holding on to such a girly bag, as the ride went on i found out that the girl beside him was his girlfriend, so by default i assume the bag he was holding was probably hers... now i wonder why the heck is he holding her bag?! it was a very small bag about half the length of a ruler. personally i never ask my boyfriend to carry my bag for me, reason no. 1 is i have really girly and dainty bags which i think would make him look stupid if he were to carry it for me, next is the bag isn't heavy so there's really no point in letting someone else bring it for me.

i pity those men who carry their girlfriend's tiny little purses because in a way their putting themselves in a lower level,

it's only an act of being a gentleman if her bag is big and heavy but if her bag is small and full of make-up then i don't think you should bother.

this is a point of view from the female gender, don't get offended or whatever but you do know what i'm talking about.

to any girl who does this act to your bf, you should be ashamed he's your boyfriend someone to love and care for, he's not your pet or your servant who will do as you command

ignorance is bliss

2009-04-08T20:02:00.000-07:00

well right now my legs are killing me hahah i attended mass and went along with the "prusisyon" last night, every year my mom and i would attend, this year was no different from the last yet i think we took a longer route this time, i'm not that religious i mean i go to mass every sunday and prusisyn at holy week but that's it, but i really got annoyed at some people last night first there were a group of kids, they were the one holding the flag that showed who the next saint was, so what 1st annoyed me about them was that they were walking so fast they were too far ahead form were they should be then what annoyed me the most was when they started singing out loud songs from bamboo and that stupid song of willie revillame, i mean come on! i know their still kids but they should atleast be aware that a prusisyon is a solemn act, and if they din't their parents should have been there to guide them. next irritating thing was the other people take note these people are the teenagers, they go and join the prusisyon yet for what? they just kept yaking about useless and petty things, next were those carrying the saints, i believe they do that as a way of penance right? yet i know some of those people, i know for a fact that some of them are drunkards and drug addicts, it would be great if what they did was so they could change but they never do... it's so sad to see a solemn act being thrashed by ignorant people.

2009-04-08T06:53:00.000-07:00

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

community diagnosis!

2009-03-04T23:36:00.000-08:00

wow it seems like we just can't get it done! the deadline was last week we were all ready and so nervous for our case presentation, then we found out that our group and this other group weren't going to be able to present today because of some lame movie that we were forced to watch anyway it turned out that not going on that day was a blessing since we found out we were missing a requirement so the presentation was moved to today, we all arrived at school early and again nervous! and yet after about an hour at school we received a txt informing as that we were rescheduled to tom, and the reason?! well they told as that their were no available classroom which i think is really impossible... anyway tom may be the day. hopefully coz i just rily wanna get over and done!

2009-02-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

so you get to know me a bit more here's a pic of my angelo and i hahahaha
these were taken on my debut which was a pool party

this one is a pic of us with my lola, my lola absolutely loves ange hahahaha

schools for profit or for education

2009-02-18T17:50:00.000-08:00

yesterday(feb. 18,09) was the last day of nurses week at my school, to be fair it was okei, well as usual the seminar was really boring they got two old ladies who stayed in place the whole time they were giving their talk, they hardly even used hand gestures, so in short they bored me to death, the topic had potential yet the speakers just killed it, the seminar started around 9am and ended at about 12, we were all so relieved when the seminar ended, i mean everybody loves lunchtime(lol) so we all went to gate 2, which is one of the 4 options of ways to get out of school. oh yeah, earlier we were already told that nursing students aren't allowed to go outside of campus til 5pm, understandable since the school officials are well aware that most student won't come back.. anyway back to lunchtime so we headed to the gate(take note we were starving by this time) so the guard said we had to leave our id, yet we decided to go to gate 3 instead, when we got there we were giving the guard our id's yet he said that isn't allowed( by this time we were so irritated coz it doesn't make sense that at the other gate it was okei yet at this gate it wasn't) so we went back to gate 2 and this he too wasn't allowing students to go out anymore(we were really pissed of by this time) he said that one of the sisters called(i study at a dominican school so sisters are in charge)told them that nobody would be allowed to go out.. so okei fine, what the other students did was they ordered food from the gate, but then the guard stopped them and i mean he was getting mad and rude! he said none of us were allowed to buy food from outside! he said that sister said the canteen provided food for the nursing students(FYI the food left in the canteen was vegetables and a whole meal would cost 60 pesos,on the other hand a meal outside would just cost 30 pesos) so on we went to the canteen only to find out there isnt any food anymore.. so my classmate opted to go to our dean and voice out the situation yet lo and behold they were at casa antonia(a place for gatherings at school) they were there eating there FREE lunch which was payed for by the BSN students..... isnt that nice while more than half of the BSN students were hungry they were in there all fine and dandy... in summary the professors didn't care,the guards were rude and that sister whoever she is had her mind set on the amount of money the canteen would gain from the BSN students... tsk3 is that why she works at a school to gain money? i thought schools were for education? isn't the money we pay for tuition enough?( and really if i compare the price we pay at that school it would just be the same if i studied at a school in Manila) you'd think studying at a school run by nuns would do us good... HMPT! are we FOR the school or is the school FOR us

ethics 101

2009-02-16T18:33:00.000-08:00

recently i remembered a lesson form our ethics class last sem, the book we used gave us a specific incident that directly affected ethics, so the situation was, the nurse in the story had a dying patient with so many complications, (sorry i can't remember what his disease was) anyway the patient went into cardiac arrest and was flat lining so they had to revive the patient, he became stable again, then it happened a second time again he was revived, it happened a third time and again was revived. it is a hospital protocol to revive any patient as long as the chart does not specify a Do Not Resuscitate Order. the problem in this situation is that the patient is so diseased he is now paralyzed and brain dead, prolonging his life would be like torturing the man, as a nurse there is nothing we can do but stand by, but ethically it poses a question, should we let him go on with a life so horrible? or should we just let him go? sometimes the family is given the option to place the do not resuscitate order yet sometimes love is literally blind, they think of how much they love that person, of how they can't live without that person that they are blinded and they can't see that the person they love is going through the hardest part of their lives... there's this popular txt message going around about why at an early age we were taught how to close open our hands, they said it was a simple way of teaching us how to let go... anyway i think im going around in circles already so this is where this ends, i'll get back to this topic when i've gathered more insight

death is just around the corner

2009-02-15T05:49:00.000-08:00

it seems like death has been showing up everywhere in my life nowadays, it isn't directly affecting me, but it's happening to the people around me, just last week someone i knew died,let's call him matt(just an alias to hide his true identity) we weren't close, i hardly knew him, he was actually a friend of my boyfriend and yet his death had such an impact in me... i don't wanna go into details on all the facts of his death, all i'll say is someone stabbed him and he knew that person who did it to him, he was stabbed because of a material object.. how sad losing life for such an invaluable thing, matt was so young and full of dreams.... a couple of days later, i had hospital duty, we arrived at hospital at about 6:00am, we arrived at a wrong time, we arrived at such a sad and depressing moment, at the emergency room there's a couple of windows so upon entering the gate of the hospital you have an unobstructed view of what's going on inside.. it was the first time i witnessed someone dying, it was an old man in his 60's, they were performing CPR on the man, but by the looks of the man you would know in an instant that he was goner, it was so hard witnessing the scene, wanting to help but knowing that you're powerless. two different situations, two different circumstances yet the outcome was the same.. both their stories came to the same ending.. death... never have i felt such close to death.. my eyes were forced to open so wide.. death constantly at our heels... now i ponder on how i would die... i wonder how it would go... would it be slow or fast, expected or unexpected.. yet i not only worry about my death i worry about those i love too.. how would they die? are they ready to go?.. im not afraid of death, there is nothing to fear yet the past days just got me thinking what if im next? so just incase i go anytime soon, to my family i love you, to angelo i love you, to my friends i love you,to my enemies im sorry, ... time is gold, what a cliche yet so true...